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leroy's profile

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Name: Todd
User type: Default
User ID: 21
User since: April 22, 2004
User last visit: 12:10AM on October 19
E-mail: ttinsley@physics.utexas.edu
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Homepage: http://www.thetinsleys.org/todd/
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leroy has posted 35 links and 148 comments on Alkaline Earth since April 22, 2004.

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2006 Oct 18 01:23 (#3013.8704):
18 October 2006, 12:00 am, From the INS office of Cardinal Nation

Dear Mr. Natedogg,
I am pleased to inform you that your recent application to join the "Birds on the bat" has been approved. We receive many applications every year, especially late in the season, and we take each very seriously. While these decisions are always very difficult, the quality of your character and your recent jeering of the culprits behind the 2004 Massacre by Massachusetts have left few questions. Congratulations.

We welcome you to the bandwagon, but we also must make it clear that you have not been granted permanent citizenship. Your temporary visa begins today and lasts until you
(a) root against the Cardinals, or
(b) root for the Cubs in any series in which they do not play an American League team.
Your temporary status will be converted to full citizenship when you have endured consecutive losing seasons without
(a) rooting against the Cardinals, or
(b) rooting for the Cubs in any series in which they do not play an American League team.
Full citizenship has a number of advantages including being able to weigh in on important debates such as Herzog vs. La Russa, and Ozzie vs. Pujols. More information on your benefits will be given to you when the time comes. Right now we ask that you just respond to questions on these topics with "What about Red Schoendienst?" or "What about Stan 'The Man' Musial?"

Next, we believe in honesty here in Cardinal Nation. And I, therefore, must warn you of the possible hazards of being a Cardinal fan. These hazards include:
1. Cubs fans. I'd like to cite a recent comment by a Cubs fan: "becoming a Cardinals fan under any circumstances is inexcusable." Yeah, nothing like a cubs fan to take the "lovable" out and leave herself as merely a "loser." Which reminds me, when asked, "What's the difference between Chicago and St. Louis?" you should respond "300 miles and seven world titles." Also, do you know what the difference is between the Chicago Cubs and summer? Nothing. Neither are around for October.
2. The American League. They're on a roll and everyone is falling in step with the "AL is the man's league." The thing about pendulums, though, is that once they reach their furthest displacement from equilibrium, they end up changing direction. You're in place to be on the right side, DON'T MOVE. Please inform all AL fans that they are in violation of the first rule of baseball: "Baseball is a game between two teams of NINE players each, under direction of a manager, played on an enclosed field in accordance with these rules, under jurisdiction of one or more umpires."
3. Famous StLers singing the National Anthem. Amy Grant? Martina McBride?! I'm convinced this is the reason we couldn't win a game in the 2004 WS. C'mon. Bring the 'Nelly!

You will learn much very fast. However, the things you must understand immediately are:
1. Wear red.
2. When Jack Buck's name is mentioned, bow your head slightly and nod for a second or two out of respect.
3. Mets are pond scum. It was true in the mid-eighties when my dad bought me a royal blue shirt with orange lettering saying the same thing, and it's true now. It doesn't matter that this mets team is crippled by injuries rather than the drug addiction, jail time, and gambling issues of the mid-eighties. They're still pond scum.
4. Contact your local Cardinal Nation ambassador. His name is Valatan and he can fill you in on the rest.

Congratulations, again, Natedogg.

Go crazy, folks! Go crazy!
LeRoy

2006 Jun 24 11:35 (#2641.8057):
More information.

2006 Jun 21 11:50 (#2783.8017):
How'd they handle the new dialog?

2006 Jun 21 11:49 (#2784.8016):
To which I replied:

Dear Alan,

Busted! I must say that I'm a little embarrassed that Alan Chodos contacted me . . . over my doodles in Prof. Randall's lecture! I knew I should have been more diligent when marking out my name.

That being said, thank you for your e-mail. It would be an honor to have them included in APS News. Just please do not put the *exceptionally* bad ones in there. (I recall one about "raisin-brane" . . . ughh.)

So much for that!

2006 Jun 21 11:46 (#2784.8015):
Dear Todd,

Among the many survey forms we collected at Lisa Randall's public lecture on Monday was one from "Murray Gell-Mann", who, I have on good authority, was not at the meeting. Our crack team of forensic investigators has uncovered evidence that the real culprit was Todd Tinsley. If that is indeed the case, I'm writing because, on the back of the survey form we found a series of humorous visual takes on the subject of "branes".

They're very good. We'd like to reproduce some or all of them in APS News.

May we?

Best regards,
Alan

Alan Chodos
Associate Executive Officer
American Physical Society
1 Physics Ellipse
College Park, MD 20740-3844
301-209-3233; 301-209-0865 (fax)

2006 Jun 12 01:49 (#2767.7983):
Hmmm. I must remember to count the ridges on my penis. That could hold the key to answering the question, "What is the evangelical Christian's nightmare?"

2006 Jun 08 12:58 (#2762.7969):
Okay, if you watch ESPN then you know it's plastered with the new Major League Baseball doping story. You can find more info anywhere, but I'll link to the Arizona Republic article that broke the story. It has links to the search warrant and a list of items seized from the player's home. Furthermore, for those of you that read the article, the last three paragraphs are hilarious.

For those of you that don't: Jason Grimsley, a pitcher for the Arizona Diamondbacks, was caught by federal agents accepting a mail delivery of a "season's supply" of human growth hormone. In his conversation with agents he mentioned other players involved, but while the statements were released, the names of other players were blacked out. There is much SPECULATION that some of the game's most respected players could be using the substance since MLB does not test its players' blood and there is no urine test for HGH.

2006 Jun 08 12:24 (#2756.7968):
3) And they're planning to "go bigger, better, and higher and produce a level of diet coke and mentos explosion that has not yet been seen on the planet."

2006 Jun 01 02:44 (#2748.7944):
Okay, sold. I think I'll read that this summer. I noticed that the author also wrote V for Vendetta. I saw the movie and really enjoyed it, but I've never read that one either.

In other comic book news, a new batwoman comic is OUT!

2006 May 31 11:02 (#2748.7942):
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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