Links posted in June 2004
June 30, 2004
Get your FREE sample of K-Y ®Brand Warming Liquid now!
World O' Sex
- Survey of the Sexes, from the people of Maxim.
"How long should a guy wait to fart in front of you?"
The site has become quite political of late. That's great in and of itself but the way the conversation spins out of control is even more fun to watch. The path from Bush's disapproval rating to the fact that pablo's roommate doesn't know the whereabouts of Enigma is torturous enough to make James Burke proud.
I also wanted to toss in a throw back link. Thanks in part to leroy, I was long ago introduced to Chinko Anesan (english version). Not really, uh, safe for work. At least, don't have a supervisor standing over your shoulder.
Japan clears the way to lift their ban on therapeutic cloning/stem cell research . Well, since Britain and China are already allowing this research, the US continues to fall further and further behind. Maybe Kerry can lift the US ban...
June 29, 2004
Your vote is very important at this momentuous juncture of history. Will well-funded but undeserving incumbents triumph in a perversion of the democratic process? Can a deserving upstart seize the momentum? Voting ends tomorrow.
"Get off the ice you pussy!"
I hope all talk on hockey benches is like this.
The video is kinda quiet, so you may have to crank it up a bit to hear the ensuing taunting.
June 28, 2004
The worst campaign ad ever
presented for your viewing enjoyment (the link should point to the movie "Kerry's Coalition of the Wild-Eyed"). Message: Democrats are loud and scary, and they say mean things.
This article brought my attention to the ad. There is also a script for the bandwidth-limited. What you miss in the script is that they include a juxtaposition of dubya and Hitler, originally from a video submitted to MoveOn.org. Read more about that in the article. The ending just made me chuckle.
"After decades of brutal rule by a terror regime, the Iraqi people have their country back." - George Bush
U.S. Returns Sovereignty To Iraq, this coming from the same person that said Mission Accomplished a little over a year ago.
Chipotle update this little DT article talks about the norovirus and chipotle and EEK, how the norovirus is usually spread. (read 2nd page of article, also).
June 27, 2004
Bushspeak - I had thought about posting this sound file anyway, but F911 really was the factor that pushed me into it. It's one thing to read that our retarded president said, "...we're going to make the pie higher", but it's another (much funnier) thing to actually hear him say it. Many more featured in the sound file...
Box Office Estimates - Official results wait until Monday, of course, but it is definitely established that Fahrenheit 9/11 is the highest grossing documentary ever (after just the first weekend). When looking at the chart, especially note the "Average" column (aka earnings per theater).
June 25, 2004
Jack Ryan in Sex Scandal Don't go read this! It's just another example of the liberal bias in the media. Okay, but seriously, it really is a stupid sex scandal. What is crazy to me is that I didn't know Jack Ryan really existed much less that he was married to Seven of Nine. Oh, it must be another Jack Ryan. Alas, I hear there's even another, but I think that one had a sex scandal of his own.
"But I'm sure the myth of the bathtub spirals will endure. Shapiro did his work in 1962 and I proclaimed it to the world in 1983. Yet next to the mystery of where all the baby pigeons are, this remains the commonest question I get." --CECIL ADAMS
Where are all the baby pigeons?
Good News: ex-Gippers notwithstanding, polls indicate that more people now disapprove than approve of Bush, and Kerry is projected to win. Narrowly.
June 24, 2004
You might think that long gone are the days of analog spying. Why send a person when a satellite can do? On top of that, surely the undercover spies out there must use cell phones or the anonymous internet to receive communiques, right?
Not only has encrypted shortwave radio traffic continued since the end of the cold war, but it has actually increased! All sorts of governments and other groups distribute random number and letter strings at specific intervals on these "Numbers Stations" (which often frequency hop as well). Sometimes the transmissions are jammed and sometimes they aren't. One station even uses a female child's voice! It is presumed that these transmissions are decipherable with a one-time pad (a random key that is then destroyed), meaning that they are more or less uncrackable. That isn't stopping people from trying. You can download some audio of these stations here.
On a side note, you might have already heard some of these transmissions on a Wilco album named Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. These people are taking Wilco's record company to court for using Numbers Station samples without authorization from a CD they published (containing only these broadcasts). (The name "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" was repeated over and over by a male voice on one of these stations, as well.)
June 23, 2004
Apparently if you have a nuisance dog the post office serves a notice "Put Yourself in my Shoes - Keep your Dog Under Control at All Times -- A Safety Message from your Letter Carrier," with a stylized postman losing his shit to a stylized dogwolf. Apparently this, plus some Photoshop skills, spells Comedy Gold.
June 22, 2004
No fucking way!
- My thought processes:
"Oh, a new interview with Mike Judge! I wonder if he's working on some new movie. WTF? He graduated with a degree in physics?"
(apparently from UCSD [below the sky diving cartoon]). Office Space just got a hundred times funnier, which I didn't even know was possible.
So, I tried to find out when the Tour de France starts this morning by checking the website. The official website is, of course, down. (On a side note, do they run the damn thing like three times a year or something? Because I swear to gosh that it just got finished) Anyway, if you're interested do not just type the name followed by a .com because somebody in Spain got there before the French did. And boy do you not realize it until it's too late...(NSFW).
Dr. David Huffman (of Huffman Code fame) went on to study Computational Origami. Curved fold origami (normal origami only allows straight folds) gives rise to amazingly beautiful structures and interesting problems.
New happenings at the Alamo...Streetcar Named Desire is now a double feature with the Simpsons episode where Flanders and Marge perform the play...Fahrenheit 911 plays at Lake Creek, with preview showing Thursday at midnight....Finally, there is an interesting new link at the bottom of the page to "Franchise Opportunities" (right next to where it says "Alamo San Antonio opens Summer 2004"). It's fun to go to that page and read their slick brochure for potential franchisees, just to see how far the whole thing has come from the days when Tim and Karrie converted a parking garage into the first Alamo. Seven years from nothing to corporate franchising is certainly not anything to sniff at.
June 21, 2004
I think it is funny how the Administrator has deleted some of my posts because there is not a link on them. Like the post I made a few days ago that included some e-mail converstations.
From "The Apology":
"So she coughed." - George
"Coughing? Naked? It's a turn-off, man." - Jerry
"Everything goes with naked." - George
"When you cough there are thousands of unseen muscles that suddenly spring into action. It's like watching that fat guy catch a cannonball in his stomach in slow motion." - Jerry
"You spoiled spoiled man. You know how much mental energy I expend just trying to picture women naked?" - George
"But the thing you don't realize is that there's good naked and bad naked. Naked hair brushing - good. Naked crouching - bad." - Jerry
The Hammer Girls - Home Improvement Just Got Sexy. I don't know about this movie. Watch the clip.
Unlike my last post, do not gather the kids around this post.
Captain 3D
Presents...Pump-Action.
I know, I know. The name of the short movie is...somewhat...I don't know. Maybe it is just me. I know I have a tendency to post...somewhat...iffy material. Let me reasure you that you can gather the kids around this short movie (but maybe not the one that it is paying an homage to).
Ghetto , Fabulous ... or GhettoFabulous?
Word Wars - finall a movie for all us Scrabble fans.
Paul Allen and Dick Rutan's SpaceshipOne, one of the leading X-Prize contenters, just went sub-orbital: 100km gets you astronaut wings; two more flights gets them $10,000,000.
The Academy Awards for Supercomputers
- Okay, not really, but this list of the 500 most powerful supercomputers in the world reads less like a technical list and more like it was announced by a model in a slinky black dress.
"...and the winner is...the Earth Simulator!"
(hushed announcer) This is the Earth Simulator's third nomination and third win in this category.
Here is an older link. Thought I'm not sure how many people are aware of it. This story made my jaw drop, the bit about not being allowed to exterminate ants, but instead "relocating" them was too much. Some people's children. Yeesh!
June 19, 2004
For those who've got a little spare time this weekend...
There are several really spellbinding magazine length articles on the internet about traveling to North Korea. It's more than a whole different world; it's a whole different galaxy. The first was written by an American studying in South Korea. When NK opened its borders (even allowing Americans) to attract tourism during the World Cup, he took the opportunity (and his camera) to get over there. The second article was written by an Italian chef who works for the "Pizza Institute." He is mysteriously approached to come to "somewhere in southeast Asia" to teach pizza-making to a very important person. [the article is non-sequential: page 1, page 2, page 3]. The first article is far more critical, though neither is reverential by any means. They give a great insider picture of what it's like to live in such a regime.
Finally, a fine artist by the name of Young-Hae Chang has been making wonderfully simplistic flash movies for years on the net through her Heavy Industries website. To carry forth the theme, I present: Cunnilingus in North Korea. It's hard to describe why it might not be safe for work, since it's just text, but anyway be sure to have the volume on, cause the music's good.
June 18, 2004
the sexual posts previously mentioned just reminded me of ingrown toenails horror. it even has pictures.
Three for three sexual posts. Here comes the money shot:
Trojan Pleasure - Sexual Organ.
Do NOT Leggo My Lego - Legos and Pornography.
Masturbation List - Over 1,000 Terms for Male Masturbation.
wtf? choppastyle
PocketUhhh - Using sounds from King George's April 13th 04 'press conference, where he said little, answered almost no questions, and said "uh" about 100 times.
The Self Destruction Handbook: 8 Simple Steps To An Unhealthier You
- Do you have a drinking problem?
There are thousands of books out there to help you avoid self-destructive behavior – but what fun is that? This is the first book designed to help you not help yourself. In the Self Destruction Handbook, you'll find unsound advice on everything from engineering a revenge affair to picking the gateway drug that's best for you.
The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
- by Tim Burton.
For those of you that have been too lazy to actually buy the book.
There was some sort of family restaurant in Madison, WI that I would always pass on the way to the highway to head home. The great unbelievable part about it was that it looked just like it used to be a Long John Silver's! I mean, the heavy ropes, the lifesavers on the outside walls, the huge wood dockside posts, it was all there. I guess I'm not the only one who has noticed that some fast food restaurants have a distinctive look that doesn't go away when the place closes...
No link, just wanted to curse javelina for all of the posts, now I am behind and need to catch up.
I know what I've been doing for the past hour. But what have you been doing????
I'm supposed to be preparing a talk for a conference next week in Stony Brook, New York.
Question: Will I see this man on campus? Should I avoid making eye contact if I do?
Hopefully, the necessary paints are still available to make my new motorcycle look beautiful.
Be careful! It's easy to cripple a webpage by accidentally hitting the reload button too many times.
June 17, 2004
Behold, the Aerobie!
"I came, I milked, and I was defeated." Straight up!
June 16, 2004
omg! this is totally freaking awesome. punky brewster - season one. starring soleil moon frye. measurements: 38DD-26-35 (as a young teen actress) and 36C-24-34 (after breast reduction surgery at age 15). why is this listed on imdb?
e-stim and Sounding - In case you didn't know what those two words meant (I didn't).
virtual replay - i checked my pockets and i was just able to find some lint and three buttons. bloody hell, i cannot afford to go to a bar and watch euro 2004. but bbc sports will let me view certain plays.
During my visit to Austin last week I was reminded of the National Fenslerfilm Council.
I then wondered if there were any new shorts and to my amazement, there were. I soiled my pants. I didn't know there were some new ones. Nobody ever informed me. So, for your viewing pleasure, some more G.I. Joe Public Service Announcements.
1. Buzz Lightyear - "I fucking axed-sworded your mom's ass last night."
2. Skateboarding - "I just want to eat you out."
3. Refridgerator
4. Burping Contest - "That's right kids, I already had him."
5. Water Ski
6. Mom's Ex - "I believe I knew your mother, son....Does your mother still hang out at dock-side bars?"
7. Talk To Strangers - "I just want to ride my motor...cycle."
8. Car Crash
9. Buzz Lightyear 2
No Link - If anybody is having problems with long URLs (Alkaline Earth is unable to process really long URLs) there are a couple of things you can do:
1. Have natedogg fix it. That will be the shitty thing for you to do, making Nate do all of the work and taking time away from his precious *.ogg burning collection (where is Vol. 2?).
2. Fix it yourself. Go to the comment page of the link you (mis)posted (the link has to be something posted by you and only you, you cannot change the material posted by other members) and press "Alt" and "F4" at the same time. You might have a few problems trying to get it right the first time but don't worry, it will take a few times in order to get it right.
Kazaam! You lose, Shaq! Yippppeeeeeeeeee!!!
June 15, 2004
Nate, such a pretty, pretty website from such a pretty, pretty, boy. Guess who.
This is impressive. But not entirely real, if you can find where he cheated, you get a gold star. Sorry if this has already been posted.
June 14, 2004
Tokyo Plastic
- Version 2.0 just came out. Version 2.0 has some new material and it incorporates the original Drum Machine.
It will be worthless for you to watch this if you do not have access to sound.
nate harrison and michael eckart - party - i guess now that it has been uploaded we can share the magic with the rest of the world.
Homestarrunner and GI JOE so, this is homestarrunner's version of GI JOE. and here's another one. a way to apologize for my lame free beer and food posting.
Cup And Gown
- "Forget the convertible. A boob job is the latest must-have on your teen daughter's graduation list."
Hmmm, the perfect time so the daughter can go to college and lose her virginity while having it taped without her knowledge to a group of fraternity pricks because she was drunk, stoned, and under pressure from her sorority sisters since breast implants are just a gateway to sex (or shall I say, more sex). I mean, what else are the boobies going to be used for?
I didn't read the article, I just wanted to make sure people thought about boobies today. Hmm, boobies.
FIRST GRILLING SESSION in about 6 years!!! this thursday!
The first session will be this Thursday, June 17 at the Campus Club (Room 203) from 4pm to 6pm. The first session will feature two speakers. Erin Rericha will give a practice Dissertation talk entitled "Shocks in Rapid Granular Flows." Jennifer Kreft will give a short talk relating to a poster she will present at an upcoming conference entitled "Velocity Distributions in Granular Materials."
There will be BEER and FOOD. please come if you can!
I don't usually get excited about archaeology, but when you can prove that pterosaurs laid eggs, that's pretty sweet-azz. Picture of the pterosaur embryo available in the article from Nature.
June 13, 2004
Some in the past have accused me of engaging in a little too much Schadenfreude. I'll cop to that, but then again, let's see you keep from laughing at this (14MB). Fortunately, I can tell the difference between schadenfreude and adding insult to injury. I think the latter is much funnier...
June 12, 2004
Jesus
built my African Grey parrot.
It's a love affair.
Mainly Jesus and my African Grey Parrot.
Yeah, fuck it!11
June 11, 2004
99 Rooms - Hello there. You are now entering the 99 Rooms.
most churches per capita? so, there appears to be some disagreement on the city with the most churches per capita (do control-f to find "guinness"). i will now accede that chattanooga is not the one. it might be abilene or turlock or nashville...
separation of church and state upheld in the bible belt unusually for my hometown and homestate, the separation of church and state was upheld, however belatedly. i have heard that there are more churches (not chicken) per capita in chattown than elsewhere in the country. for laura, i will seek verification.
June 10, 2004
J20
- Whose side are you on?
"I guess that is why boys bathrooms are so icky" - Reid
Imperialist Celebrates 70th Birthday.
June 09, 2004
John Ashcroft Sings! - The attorney general is waaay off-Broadway with this performance. Choking on the Bill of Rights...
Bruce Campbell Is The King
- Deep Truth #6:
Your soul can be removed just as easily through your asshole as any other orifice.
Bubba Ho-tep is ninety two minutes of penis and asshole jokes.
"I was dreamin'. Dreamin' my dick was out and I was checkin' to see if that infected bump on the head of it had filled with pus again. If it had, I was gonna name it after my ex-wife Priscilla and bust it by jackin' off. Or I'd like to think that's what I'd do. Dreams let you think like that. Truth was, I hadn't had a hard-on in years." - Elvis.
This book is one of the books listed on Amazon.com when you search for LaTeX.
For those of you who like Macs, there's a new Apple store opening in Barton Creek Mall. I know that Macs inspire large amounts of hatred in some readers of this site, but they are giving away free t-shirts to the first 1000 visitors on Saturday. I'm actually not going to be in town this Saturday, but if someone were to go and get a t-shirt (size L) and maybe not want it, I could probably be persuaded to take it off your hands. Of course, those of us who use Windows might now be let in.
June 08, 2004
No link, I just wanted to say that I like poop.
A little review of The Day After Tomorrow from a meterologist at Weather Undergound talking about how physics can show the flaws in this movie. Very reminiscent of that Onion article "Local man refuses to watch action movies with his physicist friend." Maybe Nate can find and post the 15 minute version.
June 07, 2004
For the digital camera photobugs out there -- a website describing how to improve the composition of your digipix. Some good, basic advice... none of which is digital-specific.
June 06, 2004
Last Friday night, there was all sorts of cool heat lightning up in the sky. I tried to catch some of it with my camera, and it worked okay. I made a 30sec montage of some video and there are two pictures.
So I blew a few hours yesterday reading How to Read Donald Duck: Imperialist Ideology in the Disney Comic (previous discussion here). Discussing it at dinner tonight, it briefly led to a few very interesting conversations about political theory. I have just finished a sort of synopsis of the main arguments of the book, as much to cement them for myself as to share them with you. I started out really strongly, but sort of devolved into a lot of different swirled ideas at the end, so if it doesn't make a lot of sense that might explain it. (Also explains why I'm not in political theory). If I can ever get around to it, I'm definitely going to make a T-shirt with a big picture of Donald Duck but underneath it will say "Imperialist" instead of "Chick Magnet."
June 04, 2004
Latest scam! IMPORTANT... Be careful not to fall for this one.
Flip has long requested a topic that summarized in one place only the best internet ephemera from years gone by. Enough people haven't seen Hamster Dance that this idea seemed like a golden one. Then, thankfully, Seanbaby beat us to it by writing an article about the 10 best Internet time-wasters ever.
June 03, 2004
Great nerd/gamer dating advice from slashdot: "your woman...can be viewed as a game" Just try to score a lot and you're golden. (RL stands for real life, for those not in the know)
Ziggy's tireless efforts have brought many new faces to view the offerings of Alkaline Earth. But what I'm wondering is if giuseppe and Stoilova are real users or just a prank/robot that signed up some random people. (This is not to say that Nedialka Ilieva Stoilova isn't a real person, just that I'm suspicious that an assistant professor of physics in Bulgaria has better things to do than hang around this crappy website.) Other strikes against are that both users signed up on the same day, neither left website or email information, and their posts are simple links to seemingly random places without further comment. (That's interesting enough of its own accord, despite the links themselves). Not to mention that there is precedent for spammers signing up when there are no restrictions but usually those are malicious. Anyway, does anyone have an opinion on whether they're real or fake? And if you are real, go ahead and leave a comment in this topic and let us know who you are. I was always waiting for the day when some random person would start posting.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (FRR, YYY) — which opens nationwide tomorrow, with some midnight showings tonight — is the best of J. K. Rowling's books so far. It balances the narrative economy of the first two with the thematic depth and imaginative ambition of its ungainly sequels. And Mr. Cuarón's adaptation, from a screenplay by Steve Kloves, more than does it justice.
June 02, 2004
Stretching Urethra
- Hmmm, three words: READ THE TITLE. Three other words: THERE ARE PICTURES.
"The urethra is a very sensitive organ and stretching it slightly can provide some exquisite sexual pleasure. Most men and women who are experienced with stretching urethra and know about the pleasure of it, have probably started by inserting little gadgets like - Q- tips, paper clips, pens and even thermometers. The next step may have been small catheters, rounded latex or plastic tubes, or foley catheters, read more about catheter play."
Why did I stumble onto this right before dinner?
P-P-P-Powerbook (Scamming The Scammer) - In case you didn't know about escrow sites. (*.pdf)
Hindsight is 20/20
- The new adventures of Seinfeld & Superman.
"They are on their way! And I can't wait until they get here. So I can explain to them...that it was Superman who locked the keys in the car....Perhaps I will drop a subtle hint, and say that between the two of us, it was the fellow who wears his underwear outside his CLOTHES who is responsible."
My fraternity brother's blog has this hilarious entry today that talks about trigonometry and asthetics.
Kerryopoly
- Can You Afford To Live Like John Kerry? Play Kerryopoly!
Roll the dice and travel around the Kerryopoly board from his house in Georgetown to his private plane, the Flying Squirrel. Play now and see if you can afford to live like John Kerry does.
SSQQ Dance Studio
- Things that I learned last night after my first class of Beginning
Salsa / Mambo:
1. Arrive 15 minutes early to find a spot to park.
2. Do not look at your feet.
3. Do not look at your partner's feet, specially when they are painted and decorated. Your comments will distract others.
4. Do not close your eyes and have a look like you are in pain. The look in your face will distract others.
5. Do not write the dance steps in your arm as a joke. Most people do not get the joke and think you are a moron. It is distracting to others.
6. Not all of your partners brush their teeth, learn to hold your breath.
7. Not all of your partners wear deodorant, learn to hold your breath.
8. This Venezuelan may have some rhythm after all.
June 01, 2004
Pros And Cons of John Kerry's Top Twenty Vice-Presidential Candidates
by John Moe.
From the kind people of McSweeney's Internet Tendency.
Fire Will Not Fight Fire.
Damn, you know when I heard this story about the pharmacist in Texas who refused to dispense birth control pills because it "contradicted her religious beliefs", I chalked it up to silly old Texas. It sucks balls when it some retard does it closer to home.
(BTW, Menomonie is not to be confused with Mazomanie, where this controversy is extremely unlikely to ever happen due to a distinctly, erm, "liberal" attitude, no doubt due to its proximity to Madison.)
Can you defeat the 1000 fighting styles of Rumsfeld?