Links posted in May 2004
May 31, 2004
Anti-Bush flash game - However, it's atypical in that it's extremely involved and well-done. You start with Mr. T, Hulk Hogan, and Fat He-Man in your quest. In one part, you ride down a chute which empties as the Clinton surplus becomes the Bush deficit. You also collect nine additional crusaders including Howard Dean, whose special weapon is the Dean Scream. A tip that I've learned: if you take the "secret escape passage" after defeating Janet Jackson's boob, you seem to get stuck permanently. It's a trap!
So in two weeks, I'm going to Myrtle Beach for a week with my Dad and assorted other people. I need to have some books to read since I read like crazy during beach vacations. Because I've recently been unable to think of books I want to read, I thought I'd ask you all for some suggestions. Can you help me out?
May 30, 2004
I just talked to my neighbor. He says that this weather makes him want to watch "A Streetcar Named Desire". I agree, but I do not have a television.
May 28, 2004
TRAVIS!!! If you're on the alamo email list you probably have this one already, but its worth looking at. very strange.
May 27, 2004
Cicada Update - From Fark.
Holy Calamity Screaming Insanity!</a>
SUMMER LEAGUE!!! YAY! Summer league Ultimate sign up! Come run around like a chicken in the heat of the Texas Summer! Ample opportunities to break noses and sprain ankles!
Q: How funny would it be if you replaced instances of "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter book?
A: Extremely. It's not only hilarious but it makes you feel dirty inside all at the same time.
May 26, 2004
New Yorker article that explains why people like SUV's, but it might not be from an angle you would expect. The article taps into my long time passion of reading about subconscious processes that determine human behavior on a fundamental level. Very well balanced and pretty rational. (link thanks to this guy who also has a sweet-ass picture that is a tad sensationalistic, but the facts are there too!)
Cats watching cats watching cats watching cats! What could be greater??
May 25, 2004
I always suspected that Ziggy wasn't an original, but today I happened to stumble across exactly how.
You gotta love science! Fuc-it-ol! Those damn chemists are a bunch of Arsole's! Only Godnose what else they will come up with...
This week's Austin Chronicle has a blurb (second down) about the imminent closing of Tower Records (June 13th) and Thirty Three Degrees records (May 31st), both on Guadalupe. Right now, 33 degrees has a 20% off everything sale. Tower will start a 20% off sale on Thursday and will slash prices to fire-sale levels on June 10th (apparently). It's kind of a shame especially after the recent closing of all the Jupiter Records locations. I didn't think I could feel bad about buying everything from Cheapo and Waterloo but I kind of do now. Not a good time to be an independent record retailer.
On a similar note, place your bets now about what will be moving into the Tower location once they're gone. Anybody heard anything?
Austin Theater Alliance , and specifically the Paramount theater, is running a summer movie series. The whole link was too long to put in the link box, but if you click on Series Information on the front page it will take you to a listing. From there you can click on the Complete Listings link to get little descriptions about the movies you don't know about and listings of double features. Note that you can get a book of 10 movie vouchers for $41 good for any 10 movies over the summer. $4 a movie isn't bad.
May 24, 2004
Universal Live Church
- So, I am considering becoming an ordained minister (it is free). All I have to do is buy Doug a pint of Whitebread for telling me about this and fill out my information online. With this I will be able to perform Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage (without even having to step inside of a church, being agnostic an all). How cool is that?
As a ULC (Universal Life Church) minister, you can officiate one wedding ceremony or you can make weddings, funerals, baptisms, house blessings, etc. your business. You can even start your own ministry.
H. R. 3920 - A bill to allow Congress to reverse the judgments of the United States Supreme Court.
May 21, 2004
'Dance Dance Resurrection - An exciting new development in Christian Entertainment!
All The Sexual Positions You Will Ever Need - Read the title first and think really hard if you are in a place where you can view this (there are drawings and no photos). I will make that my warning.
How Gay Are You? - Take the test. Test made as a promotion for a new television series.
Abba To Zappa - Know music? Good. Brain packed with pop facts? Better. Our fast-paced pop quiz is designed to test every faculty of your musical mind and every sinew of your mouse finger. Great prized await high scores. The winner takes it all.
P.dro Classic
- A simulation of an old computer.
I don't know who has one of these anymore. Maybe the Fink lab has one.
Buy My Soul So I Can Buy An iPod Mini - Amit Ajwani's soul for sale. Three days and 2 hours left. Currently at $97.00 (starting bid was $0.99).
The n-thty n-th reason that people are stupid: If your weblog happens to come up first (or very high) in the google search results for something such as, oh, say Maury Povich or Overhaulin' (TLC show), people will automatically assume that your site is their internet home. They will then proceed to leave comments asking for a chance to be on the show assuming that they're going to be read by a producer of the show. That's because they're "chuckleheads."
Jon Stewart 's Commencement Address at William and Mary. Is funny.
May 20, 2004
The latest Capitol Hill sex scandal has all but blown over, but if you didn't hear about it then maybe it's worth rehashing (and noting how quiet it was kept). Seems that a nice young intern was being paid for sexual favors and went ahead and reported it on her blog. Other blogs caught on and once everyone was just getting excited about it, she was terminated. (Oops, guess congressmen have internet access after all!) Luckily, someone archived the whole thing and put it up for posterity's sake. Here's a handy guide to which pseudo-letters go with which johns. Who knows if it's right, but I can say I haven't heard much about that Sen. Perry gay lover story lately.
BitchHitMyTruck.com - For those of you that live in Austin, watch out for Janae's drunk ass.
A NY Times article on Fundrace.org. It's good to see that Nate was ahead of the game.
Found magazine so, some of you already know of this joint. it's a rad insight into the forgotten or lost scraps of other people's lives. the paper magazines are great and "just 5 bucks!" my brother-in-law, as a teacher in high school, as some truly great "finds". we claim he is "harvesting" them since he takes them from his students, but that's semantics. anyways, i promise to let ziggy go back to being the most prolific poster.
May 19, 2004
watch out pablo! brits pass law to discourage animal activists' protests.
Hmmm, what to do about lunch today? I could always hit up the Posse or Chipotle. Oh, wait, I brought a lunch! I wonder if I got Keroppi, the Powerpuff Girls, or Hamtaro.
May 18, 2004
no link...just if your professor/advisor whom you are TAing for says he will post the grades and then leave town 4 hours later. be afraid. be more afraid if, say, he deems 94.9999% to be a 'B'. you might be on the phone and email the whole next day explaining that he comes back in july and no, you do not know why he did that, etc. word to the wise, from the naive.
Thanks to the wonders of MODERN TECHNOLOGY, those of you that couldn't stomach the sunshine on Saturday can still bear witness to the wonderment that is Flip pun-spouting in a gazebo (clips are about 30MB each). Marvel at how he picks on a little girl! Be amazed at how he browbeats a big girl into submission! Then he loses, but what can you do? Inside the comments section are my viewing tips for maximum enjoyment.
May 17, 2004
This is the first post of today. Today is May 17.
May 15, 2004
May 14, 2004
Cold Turkey - by Kurt Vonnegut.
Cicada Update
- Pediatrician Warns Parents About Cicadas.
First there was the girl who fell off her bike fleeing a flying cicada. Then a boy trying to swat a cicada out of the air with a baseball bat instead hit his friend in the nose.
The final straw came when another child hurt his hand trying to squish a cicada under a car's tires. Dr. Ray Baker of Cincinnati Children's Hospital was convinced -- cicadas can be a safety hazard to children.
Holy Calamity Screaming Insanity!
The Brewery Tap - As of yesterday I can change the "occupation" in my profile in Orkut from Unemployed / Wanna-Be Physicist to Bartender / Wanna-Be Physicist.
The Onion has a little thing about Emo's this week. Nice to know they write real stories about real places every now and then.
May 13, 2004
The 27th Annual O Henry Pun-Off World Championships - This Saturday, May 15th, from 1-5pm, (moderate) rain or shine, at Woolridge Square (Guadalupe at 9th St). I am officially entered as a standby for the head to head pun-off deathmatch.
Scrabble was never my favorite board game, mind you. (Nor was Boggle, but that's a story for another time). However, I agreed to sit down and play once in college with my roommates. I assessed the threat matrix from each side of the board, and decided that my CS-major roommate, who paid a lot of lip service to the overall equality of Goethe and Gamepro magazine, was the least of my worries. Ladies and gentlemen, I got schooled. Game after game, the other players were embarrassed and humiliated by our resident code-freak. Not by a few points, but by hundreds and hundreds. I never felt more underserved by my Verbal GRE score in my life. Dammit, you know, maybe I just had bad hands.
A Day without a Mexican - just hitting the festival circuit in the next month or so. I like the idea for the movie, so I'm pushing for a sequel called A Day without a Mexican-Venezuelan. It's going to be a soulful story of one moderate-sized town wracked by doubt and indecision when one of its native sons leaves for "the big city." I bet it would make a mint.
NYT article (FRR, YYY) about the Payphone Project.
May 11, 2004
Finally a mathematical model for marriage.
I ran across this in the daily email of abstracts submitted to the cond-mat server. These people have modeled dating and marriage using probabilities and a bunch of complicated math. However, I think the last line in the paper (right before acknowledgments) pretty much sums up the usefulness of thier theory.
(DISCLAIMER: This post is not intended for people who don't like to read. There are lots of words. Big words, even. It is also not a humorous post in the "laugh a minute" sense, like say something from McSweeney's.)
Video Game Terrorist The fourth story down.
Periodical Cicadas - Yes, I know the name sounds funny but that's what they call them (no, they don't read magazines.) Many of you Southerners may not have ever experienced this phenomenon, but by god they sure had them around Chicago and Springfield, IL. [Check this map to see if you've suffered from Brood X or not] The little bastards make the most irritating, constant racket that I have ever heard. However, when I was a young camper, there was nothing more awesome than finding their little abandoned husks attached to trees. It was like finding a snake skin, only there was a bazillion of them. The winner was the one who could collect the most....
However, as an adult, I can say I would enjoy them much less since their only notable quality is the crunchiness they add to walking across your grass lawn.
May 10, 2004
Welcome To New York! - Choose Your Own Adventure.
Substitute Limericks - The first few lines start out good, but the the joke-teller spills a little off track by the time the couplet is done.
Safe For Work - I would like to see a head explode into tiny shards while simultaneously causing the nuts to retract so far up into the body cavity.
This thread is so interesting because it is so obscure. Or so 'inside'. Or clickish. Or is it really a man-baiting trap? You decide...
WIMPs not found in cave in Minnesota however, those silly scientists should check the union bowling alley...
May 08, 2004
hey girl, i lied-- i DO want guerilla action, but i think the email is not safe (ironic, eh?) esp since that one person with access to our email is mad at me.
May 07, 2004
The Worm Within
- by Vincent Eaton.
For some, everything that occurs at the toilet bowl requires denying. After voiding their bowels, they scamper to a corner, kneel and pray. Then there's the type that actually bends down to study the stuff like tea leaves. Then there's me.
May 06, 2004
I am sorry, this will be my last post for today.
A friend was asking about the Zombie Infection Simulation link a while back after I mentioned it (I cannot remember who sent me the link originally, but please insert your name here: __________). Instead of e-mailing him the link I just mentioned that for all inquiries he should look into Alkaline Earth (a shameless promotion, I might say).
Commence acknowledgement demand...................NOW.
Roof Sex
- These chairs are not going to take sex lying down anymore. As their passion reaches a boiling point, they burst onto the roof of their building and get their groove on!
I watched this a while back, I don't know who showed it to me, I don't know when I watched it, I don't know where I watched it. I would disregard the Warning on this one, this is pretty tame (seeing that we always talk about masturbation, poop, and uncircumcised penises).
The Vice Guide To Being A Whore In 2004 - This month Vice Magazine is dedicating their issue on different jobs. Other jobs that are worthwhile to read are the misappropriately titled The World's Greatest Job and the interesting High Spy.
Average I.Q. By State And How They Voted In 2000 - This chart is derived from taking the Ravens Advanced Progressive Matrices of average IQ by state then simply applying that state's election results from the 2000 presidential election.
State of the Union Address by George W. Bush (First Draft).
Onset of Delocalization - Physics from The University of Texas at Austin mentioned on Fark..
"Beware: Sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions" - This is an actual warning label found on a product. Flip, of all people, had never heard of this annual contest to find the most blatantly stupid or ass-covering warning label on a product, so I had to post this year's results. I really think their third place winner should have been the grand prize...
[more in the "past winners" link on the left]
Relevant ATM scam in Austin that you may or may not have heard about. I heard about it a few months ago, but never saw these pictures.
BMW drivers have more sex Damn it! I KNEW I should have gotten the beamer!
May 05, 2004
Our cherished eponym, Robert Lee Moore so, turns out that i have a bad habit of saying things and not having (or having and not remembering, same thing) a source for said info. as in,
Robert Lee Moore
(the name isn't enough evidence?) was racist and anti-semitic. read for yourself...
Oh come on Disney, let us see it! What a sweet film this would be to watch prior to election time.
Hey, all you sports fans.
This is an article on baseball. Specifically, on batting with (or in this case, without) batting gloves. Sounds fascinating doesn't it? You may not be a baseball fan, and may god have pity on your soul, but this one is quite a story. It takes a while to get to the punchline, but worth it.
Reference section:
Moises Alou - Former Houston Astro, now Chicago Cub. Has a famous baseball father, Felipe Alou.
May 03, 2004
The daily texan--possible masturbation article
no article yet, but speaking of the following comment:
"I would take your suggestion, Reid, but my feeble attempts at bedding dorks have only resulted in heartbreak and masturbation. "
did anyone else see the CRAZY religious WANKER group advocating masturbation over the loudspeaker at the west mall today??? i put the daily texan link in case they cover it. i suspect it was Knighthood of Buh, but can't find mention of it there, either. i think the DT will cover it because a REAL religious person came up, took the mic and started talking about blasphemy! awesome!
May 01, 2004
professor died under mysterious circumstances
even, near my home! as one would expect, she worked in the seedy netherdepartment known as The Music Department.