Links posted in February 2004
February 29, 2004
I missed voting because I was having group sex. Okay, so this article is pretty funny, if only for that statement. Reading it, however, you think to yourself, "Why would someone want to tell their local precinct why they didn't come to vote?" The answer, as near as I can gather, is that you have to pay a fine if you don't perform your civic duty (and don't have a valid excuse). Does anyone know if this is true throughout Australia? It's news to me.
The Knights of Buh - have done some funny-ass pranks on campus. Like the Petition to stop Drilling For Oil on the South Mall, the Porno for Bibles exchange, or the Insult Booth. You may also enjoy visiting the webpage of their SG presidential candidate (turn the volume on your PC way up before clicking link).
February 27, 2004
Stunt Cocks
- Stunt Cock (stunt kok) n. : a gentleman who provides surplus semen, usually on demand, to an adult film.
This mockumentary tells the story of Bill and Earl, kind-hearted young men who have taken their severe sexual dysfunction (premature ejaculation) and used it to transform the adult film industry into a business filled with family, friendship, and love. It turns out that Bill and Earl's magical seed is really a salve that unites the world.
Post pix directly from your Camera Phone to the Web... Let the whole world see what you see.
Super Mario, Part I
- Simple sprite animation depicting the tragic story of Mario and his ultimate downfall.
Super Mario, Part II - Luigi's departure now gives Koopa enough time to lay seige to the castle. The toads try in vain to defend their princess.
Super Mario, Part III - View the aftermath if the 8-bit battles as Mario tries to salvage the kingdom.
Other works by Alexander Leon.
February 26, 2004
Warning . Disclaimer.. Not my fault. Nobody saw me do it.
February 25, 2004
Fuller, Claire. Something To Think About. The Lumberjack. Northern Arizona University. 12 February 2004.
I Did It For Science
- Nerve.com has this interesting...no, that is not the word, weird...nope, that is not either. Fuck, I will skip the adjetive. Nerve.com has this amusing (that is the word, finally) article by Grant Stoddard in which he does a little bit of research on realistic life-sized dolls. Not safe for work (if you are concerned that your boss will catch you looking at pictures of a man and a doll together).
According to the article, a great many of Real Dolls' customers don't even use the doll for sex. That is kind of funny, why else would they make dolls with different body and breast sized and three openings (one of them being a mouth that is wide open)?
February 24, 2004
Nutrigrain Commercial - Because I feel GREAT!
I found this quote in The Republic by Plato.
"And the man who laughs at naked women practicing gymnastic for the sake of the best, 'plucks from his wisdom an unripe fruit for ridicule'..."
Aliens and Children
- This website features a series of drawings made by children who were abducted by aliens for the alien purpose of creating a new race of alien/human hybrids.
Even funnier, these pictures were drawn by children who successfully resisted the aliens by using a Velostat ("thought screen") helmet which blocks the telepathic control aliens have over humans.
I would like to know where I can get some of this electrically conductive plastic.
Not that I'll be around to enjoy it, but... The Gregory Aquatics Complex looks quite awesome. The outdoor pool and plaza will feature 2 large leisure pools; spas and fountains; wireless Internet; inviting landscape and gardens; unique gathering and study spaces; hotties in skimpy bathing suits sunbathing. The impact on productivity of grad students is not detailed. Construction begins this May and will finish in August 2005.
Lesbian Gangs
- Beware! They may be coming to a town near you. Pretty soon the carpet-munchers will be harrassing your middle schoolers.
Hmm, actually harrassing middle schoolers is kind of fun. I hate the little shits.
An argument against flamboyantly grand marriage proposals: she'll probably say no. This schmuck at a Wizards-Pacers game had to find out the hard way. [story told in pictures!]
Ninja Golf
- Finally, a game the combines the skill of Ninjas and the difficulties of Golf.
Because I love ninjas with all of my body (including my pee pee).
I'm sitting in the 3rd floor computer room, waiting for my car to be fixed. They might have called already to tell me it's fixed, but my reception is bad. Who knows? I'd have to get up and go upstairs to receive their call. And all I want to do is sleep. I don't just want to sleep, though, i want to sleeep. Man, when you randomly type crap into your web browser, you get some truly inspired random crap back.
February 23, 2004
Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House - divine online.
Female nature explained in Nature?
TX Gov. Rick Perry's Gay Lover - rumors are swirling that Anita Perry walked in on our noble gubernator with a gay lover, possibly the TX Secretary of State. She has reputedly hired divorce lawyer Becky Beaver (you think I'm making that part up, but I'm not). Until papers are filed, though, all we have are various sources of unfounded rumors.
February 22, 2004
Always a treat: Harper's Index. How many cast members from Predator have run for governor? [it's more than you think] Also, interesting breakdown on abortion beliefs by age.
February 21, 2004
Lamb of God on Film - the Onion gives capsule reviews of 5 movies about Jesus, with data on His Appearance, Mood, Degree Of Holiness, and likelihood of being a Phish Fan.
February 20, 2004
You may be familiar with Haynes Publishing Co., which produces many fine manuals on how to repair cars. Now, they've introduced a manual for everyones favorite topic: SEX .
Are you having trouble distinguishing your illbient music from plain old hardcore? Wondering if Massive Attack is more of a trip-hop band or if they're just downbeat? Don't know why Orbital and Aphex Twin owe a debt to Philip Glass? Then you must need the flash edition of Ishkur's Guide to Electronic Music.
Um, wow. I really badly wanted to make a Ziggy joke here, but I was shaken into forgetful reverie by the stunning design. Also, someone got one in just a few days ago. Anyway, Marcel Duchamp would have been proud.
February 18, 2004
Crimson Room - You will require Macromedia Flash Player to play the game. Best of luck.
February 17, 2004
The Drafthouse has a Kill Bill Influences film festival - most of it's gone by, but the description has good fodder for every exploitation movie fan's movie queue. See also the Study Guide or QT interview. [Warning - the QT interview will do wierd things to your browser window.]
Conan O'Brien in trouble with the Canadiens? Bah! Tell those Canucks that if they don't like it, the can go back to Canadia. Anyway, I put it to Nate and Flip to find the Triumph clip mentioned in this article.
FOR ZIGGY another thing for ziggy the germ freak to be afraid of. bwa ha hah ha!
Wow!! Even the February 16, 2004
Errant Valentine Text Message Nearly Causes Split - I don't understand. Why is this news? Why the hell should I care about this?
Get Your War On! - a hilarious comic strip put on the web by a very angry individual. He started doing comic strips using old clip art under the name My New Fighting/Filing Technique is Unstoppable, but when Bush announced the war he started GYWO. These days he tackles administration topics like Bush's Mars proposal (first link) and his State of the Union address.
February 15, 2004
sweetass south-asian weekly comic so, at some point, the powers that be realized that i am "down with the brown" as their website states. these are more funny (imho) than the phd comix. but totally different. yo. check it out.
My picture of the snow is better than yours...
February 14, 2004
When in London Directions to the crypt of Marx, then Freud which include subway stops on the London Underground. This description comes from Dennis G. Dalton, the 'Guru' of Barnard College at Columbia U.
<cite>How to change FreeFilter to give time in CDT or CST rather than GMT</cite>
(caveat: changing between Daylight and Standard time must be done "manually")<HR SIZE=4 WIDTH="50%">
0) Open the index.cgi file in your favorite text editor.
Save a copy of this original code as index.cgi.bak or whatever.
1) We first alter the variable that defines time for FreeFilter. For CST, change all instances of my $currenttime = time;
tomy $currenttimme = time - (6 * 3600);
If you want CDT, make it my $currenttime = time - (5 * 3600);
This code appears on lines:145 (Add Post function)180 (Add Comment function)285 (Account Setup/Creation function)951 (Database Creation function. Accessed only when FreeFilter is first installed)
2) Now, we change the HTML text so that it says "CST", "CDT", "Central" etc. rather than "GMT". The word "GMT" appears at:
line 983 column 269
line 987 column 322
The 'column' is important because these lines are really long and will probably wrap strangely in whatever editor you're using.
Replace GMT with whatever other name you want.
3) Save the file. You are "good to go".
February 13, 2004
Saying things like "I thought I was pregnant and you know why? Because you came inside me and you knew you shouldn't have. You only care about satisfying yourself" probably isn't the best idea. you know, just a little FYI, since tomorrow is Valentine's Day.
True Story
So here I am making dinner. It's Veggy Chili. I'm working through the past weeks events when it occurs to me that this is an appropriate time to wonder What would Henry Rollins do? Curious, I am. An interesting quirk of this inquiry is that 13 Feb just happens to be the birthday of the Man Himself. Maybe the ExMFC would show one of his many films sometime.
The presence of the Grateful Dead 7/9/95 on TDK SA100 tape reminds me that it was once a good idea to have a DAT player. Anyone have a DAT player they want to sell?
What album was released by Island Records, mixed by Todd Rundgren, features guitar work by none other than Sting and seriously asks if you "live with roaches"? Tell me; which one?
(flash required)
Q: what would a group of guys do with a loose breast implant? A: Duh. The report is in: guys [and girls!] like to fondle the little sac of saline. They also like to do water displacement tests to find out its density... [NSFW if you scroll too far, but that gets out of the interesting part of the article anyway]
February 12, 2004
Everybody to the Limit! Oh, come on. It was only a matter of time before Homestar Runner came up on this site. At least in this one the flash is higher quality than what I normally put out.
February 11, 2004
The Gashlycrumb Tinies
- One of my favorite children's books. Written by Edward Gorey. Here it is for you to enjoy.
Z is for Ziggy who drank too much gin.
Harmon Leon kicks ass. Here is a story about how he got himself on Blind Date by dressing like "an Armenian landlord." Also good is the time he tried to get fired from Jack in the Box in less than three hours.
February 10, 2004
Spot the Fake Smiles (requires flash). Most people are "quite bad" at spotting the fake smiles.
February 08, 2004
Damn! I'm glad I always measure time in GMT. That's so when I call my aunt in Englad, I easily know what time it is. Stupid "central" time. Central to what? My ass!
So 'they' are calling it "BreastGate" now.
Damn! What about the Neutron Dance? What do you think? What are your favorite moments of childhood? Anything that sticks out in your mind? What about buying those wax-bottle candies at the corner store? Eh?
February 06, 2004
American Heritage of Invention & Technology - My favorite magazine. The website is not that great, but I just figured I could post it to advertise and promote the magazine.
Here's a good one that some of you might not have seen: the Gettysburg address if Lincoln had powerpoint. To illustrate how powerpoint has made our lives not only easier but crappier as well (in the wrong hands, at least).
February 05, 2004
Someone sent me this link:
Presidential Match Guide
at which you can go through a survey of your policy leanings and it will apparently match up your policy beliefs with the current presidential candidates. I'm not exactly extremely informed as to what everyone stands for or how they match up the survey with the candidates, but this is what they came up with for me:
1. Kucinich 100%
2. Sharpton 96%
3. Kerry 92%
4. Dean 87%
5. Clark 83%
6. Edwards 83%
7. Bush 14%
February 04, 2004
To continue the tradition of posting items from Fark.com, here is The Bellicose Curve.
So, I thought I'd try this thing out. Saw this little article in the Universtiy of Colorado equivalent of the Daily Texan. Seems like being a conservative on the Boulder campus classifies as pursuing an alternative lifestyle.
February 03, 2004
Ayatollah Sistani is a modern authority on Islam who will answer your thorny questions about whether it is halal to engage in some of the acts that Jesus might not agree with.
God's Machine likes boobies. Tivo releases their stats on what were the most rewound moments of the Super Bowl. I bet you can't guess what the most replayed moment on TV was EVER (hint: don't look at the previous post). Thankfully, an altruistic company like Tivo could only possibly be using this extensive market research for the purposes of good.
February 02, 2004
Better Than Superbowl Halftime so...in case you napped while justin and janet were advertising natural feeding methods, here is a better, un-star-pasty-adulterated view.
Super Bowl Ads , Ads, Ads, Ads.
Oops! I knew we should have watched the half time show!