Alkaline Earth | Unreasonable Searches

May 24, 2005

Search queries that led people to AE - Did you know that, for some people, this site seems a likely reference on the subject of [mass hydrogen in kilograms] or [Bea Arthur versus velociraptors]? Or that Leroy is the #6 worldwide expert on ["Lord Lift Us Up" song from movie]? Or that in Italy, AE is the go-to spot for [girlfriend polaroid posted]?

Here are just a few of the keywords that, thanks to ziggy, bring the world to our little neck of the woods: [anal shaving+tips], [ASCII Art Farts], [ATLAS OF CONGENITAL ANOMALIES OF THE EXTERNAL GENITALIA], ["breast milk taste like"], ...

Some quotations that lead here:

holy calamity, scream insanity, all you're ever going to be is another great fan on me

9 times out of 10 it's an electric razor but every once in a while...it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article A dildo, never YOUR dildo

"As for music and my place in it, maybe things are changing a little bit. I know this: a good song is deeper than a tattoo. It'll remind you of the car you're driving and the girlyou're going around with and the streets you're cruising. It's better than a"

"Fish, and plankton. And sea greens, and protein from the sea. It's all here, ready. Fresh as harvest day. Fish and sea greens, plankton and protein from the sea. And then it stopped coming. And they came instead. So I store them here. I'm ready. And you're ready. It's my job. To freeze you. Protein, plankton..."

"ronny the bear"

Simpsons Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!!"

"they fucking charge your ass"

"lewis black","it's dark in here and we may die"

"wrong movie, dipshit"

"You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up

Searches it warms my heart to see:
capitalist uncle scrooge another way to read (someone cares!)
adam shenker (I would love to hear that a long lost friend of his found him because of leroy's basketball story)
caught movie hopping
coolscience pictures (X5)
"stranger in the alps" (multiple variants)
shpilkes in my genecktegessoink (how many ways must there be to spell that?)
the insane number of searches for fenslerfilms, gi joe clips, and text including "i already had him", "i believe i knew your mother son", and "nice catch blanco nino"
"zerg rush" "ken jennings

Searches it does not warm my heart to see:
"Catheter Play" (9 times!)
"cunnilingus in north korea"
fucking kangaroos (17 times?!?!)
"guys with big asses"
hairy girlfriend (6 times!)
how long do pet reids live? (what the hell?)
ilieva nedialka (i hate you zieglerfe)
longest distance ejaculation
masturbation gillette mach 3
pictures of infected dog anal glands
wedding cootie catchers
women will go sterile celebration star wars

but easily the most disheartening is that "urethra stretching" (100 hits alone!) and variants outpaced all other searches by almost a two to one margin. Too bad that AE will be so remembered in the annals of internet history.

pictures of infected dog anal glands?

wtf, mate? fucking kangaroos.

My new favorite search term leading to AE:
What makes Javelina interesting

Hey NateDogg! It's time to change the AE banner to read "Alkaline Earth: Deep, meaningful links? Eff that." like you said you were going to. Or something...

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May 24, 2005