Alkaline Earth | bad reviews are so gooood

December 30, 2004

There was a recent discussion on mefi about favorite movie reviews that really lay into the horrible, horrible dreck movies. The best one-liners are collected and photoshopped onto movie posters at moviepoopshoot.com (yes, that one) in a sort of anti-marketing miracle. On the other side of the coin is Earl Dittman, a man whose TV and print quotes would seem to indicate that he never met a movie he didn't like. Seen any good reviews of bad movies lately?

The Defective Yeti posts a semi-frequent Bad Review Revue, with blurbs from pans:

Surviving Christmas: "At less that 90 minutes it's chronologically short, but psychologically eternal." -- Chris Hewitt, ST. PAUL PIONEER PRESS
Birth: "Might have qualified as dumb fun if they hadn't left out the fun." -- Joe Morgenstern, WALL STREET JOURNAL
Alien vs. Predator: "Take a wretched premise. Imagine the worst picture that could be made from it. Then imagine something even worse. That's Alien vs. Predator." -- Mick LaSella, SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE
The Forgotten: "Julianne Moore delivers a performance that has all the emotional commitment of a bored kid playing with a light switch." -- Manohla Dargis, NEW YORK TIMES
Garfield: "You'd have to be a real asshole to hate this movie. Sadly the task falls to me." -- Marrit Ingman, AUSTIN CHRONICLE

Also see the New Yorker's review of Andrew Lloyd Weber's The Phantom of the Opera ("This bellowing beast of a movie looks and sounds like the extended special-edition remix of a Duran Duran video").

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December 30, 2004